On this episode of the Healthy Family Project Podcast, we’re joined by Dr. Neff, a licensed clinical sports psychologist, to talk about young athletes and their mental health. While there’s a lot of fun and joy in kid and teen sports, it can also create stress and anxiety. Dr. Neff shared lots of amazing insights and tips to help us tackle mental health in a proactive way that helps kids and teens build their mental fitness and creates environments where they can feel safe working through their feelings and managing their anxiety around sports.

Teen Athlete's Mental Health podcast

As a mom with a preteen and teen who have been active in sports for most of their lives, this topic is near and dear to me. I often think about how we as parents can tow the line between encouraging our kids to work hard and gain all the lessons to be gained from the dedication required in sports while also ensuring we don’t apply undue pressure that leads to added stress and anxiety.

Lots of parents in our Facebook group had questions about this topic and it was great to have an expert in sports psychology on the podcast to walk us through how we can help our active kids work on their mental fitness.

Mental fitness is just as important as physical fitness when it comes to sports. Dr. Neff reinforced the importance of being proactive versus reactive when it comes to mental health. This involves being an active listener, creating a safe space where our kids can feel comfortable talking about their feelings, helping to guide them to come up with solutions, and keeping an eye out for red flags.

While there’s so much joy in seeing our kids do well and celebrate a big win, disappointments are also inevitable and Dr. Neff helped guide us through how to navigate deterring a negative headspace after injuries or disappointments.

As parents and caregivers, we also play a big role in this. Dr. Neff covered simple ways we can be supportive and avoid our own emotional outbursts that only add to our kid’s anxiety. Something as simple as a hand gesture from across the field can help to ease anxiety in a stressful moment and help our kids to refocus.

About Our Guest, Dr. Neff

Dr. Rick Neff is a Licensed Clinical & Sports Psychologist, and the owner and founder of Inner-Edge, LLC. A former college baseball player, and standout three sport athlete in high school, he is recognized nationally and internationally as a leader in developing performance mindset. Through his extensive study and integration of clinical and sports psychology, neuroscience, and mindfulness, Dr. Neff has become known as the “Yoda” of mental skills training.

His ability to connect with players and develop trusting relationships sets him apart. Dr. Neff worked with players who have gone on to play at Duke, Oregon, Kentucky, Florida State, North Carolina, Michigan State, Texas, Georgetown, Florida, Miami, Penn State, LSU, Clemson, Temple, Indiana, Purdue, UConn, Arizona, Pitt, Syracuse, Bucknell, Colgate, Penn, Princeton, Harvard, Yale, USC, Virginia, and many more.

Sports Psychologist Tips For Supporting Your Teen Athlete's Mental Health Podcast

Listen to Sports Psychologist Tips For Supporting Your Teen Athlete’s Mental Health

What We Cover:

Want to skip straight to a hot topic? See timestamps below. But of course, we recommend listening all the way through to get all the great tips and tricks!

  • 2:49 Welcome, Dr. Neff!
  • 7:36 What can families do to be proactive about mental health?
  • 13:06 Tactics for building mental fitness
  • 19:36 Tips for transitioning to different levels of sports
  • 27:06 What’s a normal level of stress? What red flags to look for?
  • 34:16 How to help our kids deal with injuries
  • 40:27 How to help kids accept disappointment in a healthy way
  • 44:16 How can parents keep emotions under control?

Other Podcast Episodes to Check Out:

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Transcript for Episode 82

This transcript was produced by Otter.Ai. Please forgive any misspellings and grammatical errors.

Episode 82: Sports Psychologist Tips For Supporting Your Teen Athlete’s Mental Health

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Welcome to the Healthy Family Project Podcast covering the hot topics in the world of health,

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food, and family with a dose of fun.

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Welcome to the Healthy Family Project Podcast.

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I’m your host Amanda.

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And today we are talking with Dr. Rick Neff.

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He’s a licensed clinical and sports psychologist.

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Before we get started, I wanted to take a minute to say, oh my goodness, we are on our

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82nd episode.

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I don’t know how it’s possible.

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I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to speak with many talented, passionate, and

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wonderful people on these 82 episodes.

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Big thank you to all of you for making this possible.

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If we did not have people out there listening, it would be hard to continue on creating these

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episodes.

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Again, thank you for your support.

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Please continue to share the podcast with friends and family.

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Give us a rating.

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Leave a comment.

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And also be sure to join our Healthy Family Project Facebook group if you haven’t already.

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It’s a great space to share thoughts and ideas and continue conversations from the podcast.

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Many of our guests are also in the group and can answer your questions directly.

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Reminder, if you are looking for recipe inspiration, our website has nearly 600 recipes for breakfast,

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lunch, dinner, and snacks, all approved by our registered dietitian.

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And most of us out there have a student athlete or an aspiring student athlete or maybe a

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future student athlete that you don’t even know about yet.

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So this episode is very important because we often jump into a sport or have our kids

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jump into a sport without first thinking about the mental side of it and how we foster that

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mental health.

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Dr. Rick Neff is a licensed clinical and sports psychologist and the owner and founder of

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Inner Edge LLC.

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Dr. Neff also serves as the full-time sports psychologist for Villanova University, a former

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college baseball player and standout three-sport athlete in high school.

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He is recognized nationally and internationally as a leader in developing a healthy performance

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mindset as well as working with athletes through clinical concerns.

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So we had several questions come through our Facebook group and I’m excited to get those

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answered for you all today.

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Welcome to the show, Dr. Neff.

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I am thrilled to have you here and can’t wait to chat today.

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I am super excited because we did have a handful of parents in our Facebook group submit to

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us.

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So a handful of questions that we can use today.

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But before we get started, can you tell listeners a little bit about yourself?

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Sure.

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Yeah.

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Thanks for having me.

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I appreciate every opportunity to be on podcasts and be able to share about what sports psychology

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is and it’s been so stigmatized or psychology in general has been so stigmatized over the

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last hour or two years.

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A little bit about me.

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Right now I own my own private practice, Inner Edge Sports Psychology and also the full time

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sports psychologist for Villanova University.

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So my background, former three sport athlete in high school, football, basketball, baseball,

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baseball was my best sport being recruited to college.

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And unfortunately what happened to me in college and what has led me into this field of sports

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psychology was I had developed something called the YIPS and anybody who’s familiar with baseball

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or softball is familiar with that term YIPS.

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So as a pitcher, I had sort of lost my ability to throw the ball 60 feet, six inches.

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I couldn’t hit that catcher.

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And me being 43 years old and this being in the late, mid to late 90s, I didn’t receive

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and this is to nobody’s fault and I don’t blame or point fingers, but I didn’t receive

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the help that I needed.

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It turned out what was going on with me wasn’t something that was physical.

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It wasn’t an arm injury.

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I had gotten checked out medically, but it was psychological and I had learned that through

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my own studies.

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I started as a pre-med student, actually wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon.

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So I couldn’t play pro sports.

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I knew I wanted to work with athletes in that manner.

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I’ve been operated on myself several times.

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And so through some of my pre-med studies where I learned about mental health and learned

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about the mind body connection and how important it is to take care of your emotions, take

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care of your mind, just as much important as it is to take care of your body.

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Because when we think about pure performance, performance starts, it all starts in the brain.

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There’s no muscle, no memory cells throughout our biceps, triceps, quads.

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It all comes back to that thinking that we have and the coping skills that we developed

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growing up.

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So that’s what led me into the field or my degree in my doctorate in clinical psych,

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knowing that we’re all going through stuff.

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Yes.

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And each and every one of us, it’s important for me to understand on an individual level

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who I’m working with on a clinical level.

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So to be able to do the clinical work with students and athletes and student athletes,

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professional athletes, as well as doing the proactive mental training.

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So I’ve been doing this line of work for about, I guess, going on 13, 14 years now.

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And don’t look at it as a job, really look at it as a career.

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Enjoy working with, meeting new people, working with new athletes all over the world.

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So really enjoy what I do.

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And again, I really appreciate this opportunity.

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Wonderful.

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Well, it’s interesting because so many of the guests that come on the podcast have built

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their career and what they’re doing or working on today based off of some experience that

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they had and a passion that developed to help others.

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So you’re following right in line, which is totally wonderful.

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And as we mentioned before we or I mentioned before we hopped on, this is definitely a

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topic near and dear to my heart.

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Our listeners know I talk a lot about mental health, having gone through, I have two teenagers,

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so going through all the things and both are athletes.

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So definitely interested to hear what you have today.

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So with so many of us who have kids who are involved in sports at some capacity, you know,

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especially during the years that they are home with us, you know, I think athletes on

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all levels face added amount of mental strain.

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So what can families do to be proactive about mental health and mental fitness in sports

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instead of waiting until it becomes an issue?

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Yeah, great, great question.

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And very important word that you mentioned in the question is being proactive and not

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reactive.

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Anytime I give a keynote speech talk or me with the team, I always talk about it’s tough

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being coming in and being, you know, break the glass because there’s an emergency type

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of sports psychologist.

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Not that it can’t be done.

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But I think having the conversations early, you know, a child’s brain, I talk a lot about

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developmental psychology and child and adolescent psychology and child’s brain is constantly

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developing and they’re looking for social cues and they’re looking to learn and being

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able to differentiate with our children the difference between mental health and mental

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illness.

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That’s a really hot topic right now is a differentiation between mental health and mental illness.

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Just the way that our society, as I mentioned, unfortunately, has stigmatized mental health

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and mental illness and has it done, my opinion, has done a great job of separating the two.

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So I think being proactive, having normalizing conversations around emotion, talking about

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coping skills, ways to manage stress.

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I think for parents too, there’s something called the writing reflex where just as human

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beings we have, because emotions are so difficult to talk about, we have this instinct to just

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make everything right.

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It’ll be okay.

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Yes.

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Tomorrow’s another day.

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Now just leave it off.

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And you know, sounds good.

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It sounds good in the moment, but what it does is for a child and for an adolescent,

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and they may or may not consciously be aware of it, but on a more subconscious level it

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invalidates how they’re feeling.

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So creating space to talk and I always suggest when there’s something going on that is emotional

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related to sport or school or life, to open that door, to let your son, your daughter

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know that, hey, I’m here to talk.

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They may not be ready right in that moment to talk about it, but knowing, giving them

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permission.

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Permission is really big with adolescents and with younger children to be able to talk

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about it.

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And we want to be as adults active listeners and be able to reflect and help our sons or

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daughters come up with a solution on their own that we can then positively reinforce.

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And that helps us to avoid that writing reflex.

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So I know that’s a long answer, but I think being proactive and talking about it earlier

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rather than later, we want to avoid waiting for the quote unquote crisis to happen.

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I couldn’t agree more in my experience over the past couple years.

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I feel like our family is finally in a proactive space, but it’s something that you don’t,

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I mean, maybe some parents know I didn’t recognize it.

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And I grew up in a time where mental health wasn’t front and center, you know, really

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at all, wasn’t even talked about.

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It was kind of like, get over it.

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Life’s hard.

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This is hard.

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Move on.

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And so walking into that myself and now looking back over the past couple years and recognizing

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and I cannot stress how important it is to be proactive, whether it’s around sports or

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just in general.

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But when it comes to mental health to, like you said, not wait till the fire is going

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to run around and try to figure out how to put it out because you’re not going to be

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able to find the right help that you need in a time like that when being proactive and

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finding people and support systems and whether it be therapists or having these people in

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the wings kind of already in place and in there.

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So proactivity, number one.

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So are there easy tactics you recommend for building mental strength during practice?

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You know, I was trying to think like so on or off the court, rank filled, all of all

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of the sports.

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I can tell you if there’s a couple of things with my daughter, she’s a varsity tennis player.

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When I say things like, try to calm down or just breathe, you know, when she’s losing

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a tennis match, she she doesn’t isn’t real receptive to those comments.

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So yeah.

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So what can we do with these kids to build their mental strength during those times off

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the court?

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So, you know, so when they are in that space and in the heat of it, what can they do?

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Yeah, again, another another great question.

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There was a typical reaction from an adolescent.

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You know, usually, you know, mom, dad, you know, loved one is is the the target of the

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frustration.

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Yes, always.

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Because, you know, again, you know, really big on the conscious subconscious levels of

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our mind and our thinking.

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And what you know, with with children with that, I mean, with people in general, I guess,

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it’s really paying attention to like body language.

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So communication, communication and connection is important in helping to start building

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mental strength or starting with mental conditioning and seven, approximately 70 percent of communication

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comes through body language.

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So our brains are they still haven’t caught up to 2022.

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So from a primitive standpoint, our brains are looking at body language and another approximately

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25 percent is tone of voice and then five percent of the words.

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That’s why a lot of coaches, parents find frustration when they’re the words are being

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spoken.

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But with the you know, with the player, with the athlete is maybe seeing or perceiving

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from the coach, parent is the body language is coming across in a negative manner.

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So one suggestion would be really being aware of one’s body language when they’re trying

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to communicate, because we’re not going to be able to get to the words or the comprehension

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of the words if the body language and the tone is perceived as more more on the negative

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side.

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Right.

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So one thing that I suggest with parents and in working with their coaches, working with

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their athletes is so through utilization of body language is development of hand, some

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type of gesture and hand signal where the athlete already knows that an error happened,

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a mistake happened.

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So they’re frustrated and our brains don’t kind of fully emotionally mature until about

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24, 25 years old.

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So you know, an adolescent could be flooded with a lot of sort of negative emotion and

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our brains are approximately seven times more likely to go negative rather than they go

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positive.

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So coming up with a simple hand gesture of this is what I do with when I’m on the bench

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with teams, with players or sitting in the stands, is coming up with a signal and that

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signal just means something.

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It means to take a breath.

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It means to I’m really, really big on focal points.

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So to improve attention or to increase attention or concentration, we need to break it.

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So the brain can only sustain attention and concentration for so long with sort of with

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regulated emotions.

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And when our emotions are flaring, that shortens.

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So, so instance, like on a tennis court, like picking a banner or something off in the distance

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when an error happens, we hit the ball out of bounds and we feel this frustration.

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So the athletes looking to the coach, looking to the parent and the simple hand gesture,

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thumbs up, you know, just a rub of the temple or pointing at the head is a reminder for

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the athlete to take a look at the focal point to breathe.

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And there’s something called the five second rule, a lot of research around this where

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we have approximately five to 16 seconds to take control of that inner dialogue.

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So we, we say anywhere from 200 to 1200 words per minute to ourselves, we’re having that

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constant conversation.

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And when we can exert control over that, we can promote a sense of relaxation.

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So I think that’s, there’s just some sort of basic baseline skills that can be used

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to allow the athlete to feel like they’re in control.

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Now the coach, the parent is providing that reminder, but they’re not using the words.

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They’re using body language, gestures, and the brain is going to be more receptive to

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that because since emotions are high.

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That’s really good advice.

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Yes.

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I’m going to have, we’re definitely going to implement the hand signal over here.

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For sure.

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I know it’s just, we try to do the breathing.

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We tried to do the box breathing and, you know, just to take a second and she’s implemented

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some things herself, even taking, they have like, I think 30 seconds in between, you know,

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the next serve that has to happen.

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And so she’ll just take a loop back to the fence, you know, and come back around.

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So I’m definitely seeing improvement from, we’ve definitely come a long way, but those

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are really great tips.

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What advice do you have for kids transitioning to the next level of a sport?

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In our Facebook group, we had a question about transitioning from high school level to college,

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which I think would be a really big one, but I know it can even be hard transitioning from

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elementary level sports to middle school.

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I know I have a nephew and he, you know, kids hit their growth spurts at different times.

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And so he is, you know, an excellent baseball player, but I see him moving into the next

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level and went to watch a game and these kids are like giants, you know?

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So I can imagine like putting myself in his shoes, you know, how like that could be mentally

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hard, even just that little thing to go into that next level and think, oh my gosh, I was

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really good in this level.

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And now I’m in here with these adult.

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Yeah, yeah.

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And this is a really big topic with the college athletes.

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You’re making that transition.

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Anytime there’s transition, you know, whether it’s elementary to middle school, middle school

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to high school, high school to college, college into, you know, the working world or professional

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world, there’s a normal level of anxiety because there’s change and change elicits anxiety

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and nervousness.

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It elicits a questioning, am I going to fit in?

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So we get all these, you know, what if questions that pop up.

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And so again, I think being able to normalize that what you’re feeling, this anxiety that

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you’re feeling, this nervous that you’re feeling, it’s okay.

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That really goes a long way, you know, because sport is, sport becomes such a big part of

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one’s identity.

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And so making that transition, you know, in high school being one of the better, the top

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players on a team, you get to the college level and talent pretty much levels out.

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And so, you know, the doubt creeps in again, those what ifs creep in having to make all

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new friends, you know, play for different coaches.

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So everything that the athletes been accustomed to and has become comfortable with gets flipped

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upside down.

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And so, you know, being able to have that open conversation and normalize that what

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you’re feeling is okay.

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Because when that door isn’t open to talk about it, the way we were just born with these

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sort of in-brand like defense mechanisms where we just stuff and stuff and stuff and stuff.

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And that’s where I have seen more sort of clinical levels of depression or anxiety come

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about.

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Because during that transition, you know, the student athlete wasn’t, their emotions

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weren’t talked about, weren’t addressed.

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And what they continue to do is just stuff and they think, I just got to play harder.

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I got to play harder.

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I got to play harder.

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And so the brain, what that’s doing is just creating a clinical level of anxiety that

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more mistakes may happen.

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And it just becomes this negative feedback loop, you know, with the student athlete.

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So that transition is, transition is hard for anybody.

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So again, I think being able to talk about it, prepare for it, normalize it.

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If you know where your son or daughter is going to school, trying to spend as much time

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there as possible, if possible.

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Just stepping on the campus, being on the field, being on the court, being on the ring

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or being around the pool provides that sense of relaxation and calm.

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What I’ve been doing a lot more with student athletes during the transition is encouraging,

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we’re in this day and age now of group chats and all these text messaging.

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It’s reaching out to the coach, asking to be put into the team chat prior to coming

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to campus and getting to know the other teammates.

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So that is shown to be pretty helpful with that transition, rather than stepping on campus

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the first day and trying to get to know everybody and figure out your schedule and figure out

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how I got to lift at six and then practice and then class and then study hall.

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It becomes very overwhelming.

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So yeah, earlier introduction, I think is something that’s beneficial in that area.

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Well, and I think two important takeaways from what you just said is that when there

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is a transition, that is what we talked about earlier at the time to be proactive.

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So to not say, all right, we’ll see how they do with this transition, to be proactive before

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that takes place and say, listen, this could be a challenge.

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Let’s open the conversation.

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Here are some things you can do.

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And I will say, like you said about having the group chat, because I know in 2021, when

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my daughter played tennis, it was still very COVID times and they didn’t do a lot of group

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activity together.

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And they were very separate.

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And so it felt, even though they were a team, it was still a little isolated.

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And then I noticed that this year, because they were able to do more, they had a couple

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team dinners and they had a group chat going on in an app.

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And so they were able to do more as a team.

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And so I saw overall with the team, a lot of that you could sense the stress and anxiety

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was down a little bit because they had bonded more as a team and were supporting each other

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in a way that I think at that age, parents aren’t, they love their parents, I’m sure.

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But like you said, sometimes the directive of things heads our way.

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So having that team support and that connection with others is really key.

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So the sooner you can get into one of those apps or chat groups with a team as you’re

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learning, I would highly recommend that as a parent having seen the two sides of that.

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Okay, so all right, so let’s talk about that.

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This is a good transition actually to the next question.

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So what are the red flags to look for when sports is becoming too much or when the balance

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of life is off?

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So this is a tough one for me because like I said, I grew up in kind of an atmosphere,

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I guess, in a time where it was like non-existent.

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So I always felt like this is supposed to be hard, this is supposed to be tough.

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I’m supposed to be anxious because anxiety means that I’m pushing myself hard.

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So a lot of times it’s hard for me as a parent to identify like, is this normal amount of

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stress or is this kind of off?

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We had a parent of a cross country runner in our Facebook group, she was worried her

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daughter was running too much and another parent who was asking about balance in general,

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when to worry that maybe the kid is super obsessed and just going too hard in it.

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So I don’t know, what do you think?

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What’s the balance and where’s the line from healthy to unhealthy amount of stress and

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what do you think?

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Yeah, and again, another great question that comes up often in my practice.

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It’s a topic that I’ll usually will spend several sessions in an individual session

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with athletes talking about, as you said, obsession, what is a healthy obsession and

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being able to individualize it.

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Some of the red flags that I look for when I do parent workshops or coaches workshops

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to have the parents and coaches look out for are social withdrawal.

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So I think that’s a red flag, not wanting to go out and do anything other than run or

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play baseball or be on the field, hockey field.

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Your schedule is so regimented to be out there and practice and work on the skills and paying

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attention to, well, if I’m not out there and I know so and so is out there, they’re going

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to be one day or one step ahead of me and better than me.

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That’s something you hear a lot of motivational speakers talk about is being able to, you

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got to outwork your opponent.

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And yes, there’s some truth to that.

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But I think everybody’s training plan should be individualized based on who they are physically

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and psychologically.

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So when another red flag is not taking any days off, again, because of faulty thinking

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of if I take a day off, I’m going to lose my cardiovascular endurance, my VO2 max, or

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my, if I don’t take 200 swings in the cage today, I got to take 400.

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The body’s, the brain and body’s ability to remember how to play is not going to go away

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in a day, two days, three days.

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The cardiovascular endurance isn’t going to disappear in a day, two days, three days.

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So when I say social withdrawal, it’s not participating in anything else other than

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the sport or structure of the day around the sport.

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Another red flag just be like mood swings.

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The athlete is not able to participate in what they think they need to do that day.

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They’re just extremely angry and taking it out on somebody.

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Again, usually it’s a love line, somebody close to them.

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So that’s a red flag.

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Changes in eating, looking at body weight, changes in sleep patterns, not being able

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to sleep because of the anxiety of, I got to keep moving.

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I got to get up.

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I got to do, I got to be up at 5 a.m. to work out.

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So they’re really like for the major red flags that I look out for when it comes to being

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obsessed.

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It sounds like you and I, we grew up in the same era of having to focus, but there were

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for us also other hobbies.

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So I guess really I can add in a fifth one here is when there’s no other hobbies.

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For me, all the athletes I work with, there’s something that I push that, I’m going to say

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push, I guess it’s the wrong word, but really encourage and ask the athlete to do.

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I had a relationship used to the idea of video games, but even if it’s video games and I’m

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not on an obsessive level of playing to three in the morning.

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But what I found a lot of success in my practice is steering the athletes I work with towards

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some of the books that I have read.

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So in a sense, there’s still training because we can train without actually being on the

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field.

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I mean, we could spend a whole hour talking about the power of visualization and what

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it does to the body.

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So that’s another way to sort of create a healthy obsession with becoming the best version

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of oneself.

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So making sure if everything is just about sport, then to me, it’s a red flag that needs

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to be addressed and talked about.

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And it’s a difficult conversation because of messaging.

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I think social media has had a big influence in this area because everybody puts their

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best life on Instagram and Snapchat and Twitter and Facebook.

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And so what I hear often from athletes is, well, I see so and so they’re always out there.

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They look so happy.

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Everything’s going so well.

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And trying to have that conversation.

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Well, of course, they’re going to put that they won their tennis match.

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Their practice was great and training was great.

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They’re not going to really put on their sort of the more of the lows or some of the emotional

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hurdles that they ran into.

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So having to separate out the influences of social media, I think has become really a

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big part of my practice too.

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Yeah, that is an added level.

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Something else that we didn’t have in our time, I will say.

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And even as a parent, and we’ll have this question a little bit later, but even as a

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parent, something social media is challenging because you do have to remind yourself that

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they’re putting these are the happy times.

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These are the best things that they’re putting out there.

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So just social media is tough.

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So all right, we’re going to move on.

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What about injuries and missing out while recovering?

410

00:33:45,280 –> 00:33:46,720

It happens all the time.

411

00:33:46,720 –> 00:33:52,280

Someone in our group mentioned this, which I hadn’t even thought about, but I can imagine

412

00:33:52,280 –> 00:33:57,320

this could cause a huge mental strain on a kid, especially when they’re so used to that

413

00:33:57,320 –> 00:33:59,240

practice every day.

414

00:33:59,240 –> 00:34:02,040

And our schedule shift and your body’s not moving.

415

00:34:02,040 –> 00:34:08,080

I know myself and our listeners know I’ve battled with anxiety over the years.

416

00:34:08,080 –> 00:34:13,040

And when I can’t get out and move, when I can’t go to the tennis court or go to a dance

417

00:34:13,040 –> 00:34:20,560

class or go to yoga, it takes a huge toll on myself mentally, just me and not even being

418

00:34:20,560 –> 00:34:23,240

an athlete, so to speak.

419

00:34:23,240 –> 00:34:31,560

Yeah, again, it circles back to the identity, that sense of self where a part of you has

420

00:34:31,560 –> 00:34:39,620

now been taken away, that being on the field, being on the court, in the pool.

421

00:34:39,620 –> 00:34:52,240

So one thing I often suggest is even though the player is injured, to still be around

422

00:34:52,240 –> 00:34:55,160

the team as much as possible.

423

00:34:55,160 –> 00:35:03,720

Because often we’ll hear, I just can’t be around the team because it’s going to remind

424

00:35:03,720 –> 00:35:06,280

me of how much I can play.

425

00:35:06,280 –> 00:35:14,120

Coming back to the sense of connection, being around teammates who more than likely are

426

00:35:14,120 –> 00:35:17,640

going to be supportive and coaches are going to be supportive.

427

00:35:17,640 –> 00:35:25,400

I strongly encourage still trying to be around the sport, around the team as much as possible.

428

00:35:25,400 –> 00:35:33,160

I mean, there’s a professional basketball player that I still work with and he got injured

429

00:35:33,160 –> 00:35:36,280

in college towards me.

430

00:35:36,280 –> 00:35:44,120

And my suggestion to the trainer on the team was to take the training table out onto the

431

00:35:44,120 –> 00:35:50,880

court and do the physical therapy out on the court so the player can continue to be around

432

00:35:50,880 –> 00:35:53,680

the team and watch the drills and see the drills.

433

00:35:53,680 –> 00:36:00,680

Now it’s a conversation of being able to manage the emotion because yes, athletes are going

434

00:36:00,680 –> 00:36:09,240

to go through the grieving process of denial and anger and bargaining of trying to get

435

00:36:09,240 –> 00:36:14,080

back sooner, feeling depressed.

436

00:36:14,080 –> 00:36:20,920

So being able to work through those emotions, but for the injured athlete, trying to keep

437

00:36:20,920 –> 00:36:25,000

them connected as much as possible to the sport, I think it’s important.

438

00:36:25,000 –> 00:36:30,800

And that’s also an opportunity for me to talk about the use of visualization because that

439

00:36:30,800 –> 00:36:33,760

still keeps a lot of research around it.

440

00:36:33,760 –> 00:36:38,040

It still keeps the performance pathways firing.

441

00:36:38,040 –> 00:36:45,920

So there’s a little bit less of a sense of loss and often what I hear is, will I ever

442

00:36:45,920 –> 00:36:50,960

get back and be the same player after being injured?

443

00:36:50,960 –> 00:37:00,240

And what visualization has been shown to do is to actually strengthen one’s ability to

444

00:37:00,240 –> 00:37:06,560

come back and be just as good, if not better, because you’re continuing to keep all those

445

00:37:06,560 –> 00:37:08,640

neuronal pathways firing.

446

00:37:08,640 –> 00:37:09,640

Right.

447

00:37:09,640 –> 00:37:12,040

That’s excellent advice.

448

00:37:12,040 –> 00:37:18,720

I think that keeping up and being part of your team, like I said, it’s just not isolating

449

00:37:18,720 –> 00:37:19,720

yourself.

450

00:37:19,720 –> 00:37:25,600

And then that visualization, I have actually listened to a podcast, which not to get too

451

00:37:25,600 –> 00:37:27,960

far off track.

452

00:37:27,960 –> 00:37:32,080

With my younger daughter, she dances a lot.

453

00:37:32,080 –> 00:37:38,680

And it was actually about a ballerina who was unable to dance for almost an entire year,

454

00:37:38,680 –> 00:37:47,800

but she used visualizations and hand motions for an entire year and was able to learn the

455

00:37:47,800 –> 00:37:55,600

entire choreography of Swan Lake or something and dance the lead role in the show just from

456

00:37:55,600 –> 00:38:01,320

coming off of an injury, which it was crazy to have been out for that whole year.

457

00:38:01,320 –> 00:38:07,620

And then just use visualization and be able to then go in and dance the lead role because

458

00:38:07,620 –> 00:38:08,620

of that.

459

00:38:08,620 –> 00:38:10,520

It was just mind blowing.

460

00:38:10,520 –> 00:38:14,440

We listened to it several months ago and I keep bringing it up and keep thinking about

461

00:38:14,440 –> 00:38:18,560

it because it was so mind blowing of a story.

462

00:38:18,560 –> 00:38:19,560

Yeah.

463

00:38:19,560 –> 00:38:23,200

Visualized a lot of research around visualization.

464

00:38:23,200 –> 00:38:28,680

And that’s a perfect example of what you shared.

465

00:38:28,680 –> 00:38:30,400

The brain is amazing.

466

00:38:30,400 –> 00:38:31,920

I love studying the brain.

467

00:38:31,920 –> 00:38:39,800

Again, it’s been a while we’re talking about the biochemistry of the brain and the body

468

00:38:39,800 –> 00:38:41,080

when it comes to performance.

469

00:38:41,080 –> 00:38:45,840

But again, it just keeps those performance pathways strong and firing.

470

00:38:45,840 –> 00:38:51,240

And then subconsciously, when we step back out onto the court, onto the field, and the

471

00:38:51,240 –> 00:39:00,240

pool, on the stage, we can just rely on instinct and intuition and trusting oneself that I

472

00:39:00,240 –> 00:39:01,240

did train.

473

00:39:01,240 –> 00:39:06,480

Always look at visualization as a form of training.

474

00:39:06,480 –> 00:39:09,040

And then boom, there you go.

475

00:39:09,040 –> 00:39:10,040

Things just kind of happen.

476

00:39:10,040 –> 00:39:12,040

So it’s a great example.

477

00:39:12,040 –> 00:39:14,000

Yeah, I’ll have to share that with you.

478

00:39:14,000 –> 00:39:18,680

I’ll have to send you the link to it because it was totally fascinating.

479

00:39:18,680 –> 00:39:20,080

I think you would enjoy it.

480

00:39:20,080 –> 00:39:21,840

Well, I know we’re running short on time.

481

00:39:21,840 –> 00:39:23,080

I have two more questions.

482

00:39:23,080 –> 00:39:24,080

So let me see.

483

00:39:24,080 –> 00:39:27,360

I don’t want to leave any of these out because they came from the group, but let me see if

484

00:39:27,360 –> 00:39:29,460

we can get through two of these.

485

00:39:29,460 –> 00:39:35,400

So one, let’s flip the script a little and ask about how to deal with the disappointment

486

00:39:35,400 –> 00:39:42,000

of not making a team or not being selected for an extension of the team that you’re on.

487

00:39:42,000 –> 00:39:50,560

I know that from my personality as a teenager, sadly, was, okay, I didn’t make it.

488

00:39:50,560 –> 00:39:51,560

I’m done with that.

489

00:39:51,560 –> 00:39:53,520

I’m moving to something else.

490

00:39:53,520 –> 00:39:57,360

And I think that’s horrible.

491

00:39:57,360 –> 00:40:01,120

Because you’ve trained and you’ve worked and you’ve developed something.

492

00:40:01,120 –> 00:40:05,880

So how would you recommend on dealing with the disappointment?

493

00:40:05,880 –> 00:40:07,160

Yes.

494

00:40:07,160 –> 00:40:14,120

When I get asked this question, I always come back to and you got to be careful because

495

00:40:14,120 –> 00:40:16,240

sometimes I guess I date myself.

496

00:40:16,240 –> 00:40:21,400

Not a lot of the younger athletes aren’t familiar with the Michael Jordan story of.

497

00:40:21,400 –> 00:40:22,640

Oh, I am.

498

00:40:22,640 –> 00:40:24,880

I use that all the time with my kids.

499

00:40:24,880 –> 00:40:25,880

All the time.

500

00:40:25,880 –> 00:40:34,480

I mean, not, not making the, the varsity squad and then being put on the JV squad when he

501

00:40:34,480 –> 00:40:37,600

felt like he should have been on the varsity.

502

00:40:37,600 –> 00:40:45,960

And you know, again, you know, the, the parental influence of giving some space, allow, I,

503

00:40:45,960 –> 00:40:48,080

you know, again, I’m, I’m big on emotion.

504

00:40:48,080 –> 00:40:55,120

So allowing, allowing time to give it a day, give it two, two days, you know, and then

505

00:40:55,120 –> 00:41:05,120

come back and regroup and talk about what it feels like and allow the, you know, allow

506

00:41:05,120 –> 00:41:11,560

your son, allow your daughter to, to, to come up with a plan.

507

00:41:11,560 –> 00:41:18,360

So this is the feedback we got from the coaches to why they didn’t make the team.

508

00:41:18,360 –> 00:41:19,360

What do you want to do?

509

00:41:19,360 –> 00:41:25,440

Or how can we work together to be able to improve your skills?

510

00:41:25,440 –> 00:41:31,400

I think in these situations, we want to try to avoid, and there’s, there’s nine common

511

00:41:31,400 –> 00:41:35,880

negative thought patterns we can fall into pretty quickly.

512

00:41:35,880 –> 00:41:40,320

Once we get hit with something negative, negative news, like not making a team.

513

00:41:40,320 –> 00:41:42,680

And one of those is just, oh, we’re nothing thinking.

514

00:41:42,680 –> 00:41:50,280

So it’s a, I didn’t make it so I’m done, which leads into a whole nother conversation

515

00:41:50,280 –> 00:41:52,600

between growth mindset and fixed mindset.

516

00:41:52,600 –> 00:41:57,400

That’s more of a fixed mindset because emotionally it’s too difficult to think about anymore.

517

00:41:57,400 –> 00:41:59,800

So I’ll just push it aside.

518

00:41:59,800 –> 00:42:05,480

Eventually it’s going to bubble up again or the growth mindset of let’s come up with some,

519

00:42:05,480 –> 00:42:07,760

some ways to, to work on your skills.

520

00:42:07,760 –> 00:42:13,480

Yeah, not kids don’t want to hear it’s not, you know, but you know, it’s not, we know

521

00:42:13,480 –> 00:42:17,280

as, as adults, it’s not the end of the world.

522

00:42:17,280 –> 00:42:20,800

But what it does is it promotes empowerment.

523

00:42:20,800 –> 00:42:28,680

I think in the younger athlete to, and control to make decisions on, okay, this is what I’m

524

00:42:28,680 –> 00:42:34,760

going to do to better my chances to make the team next year.

525

00:42:34,760 –> 00:42:39,960

And allow them to make the choices and then being able to positively reinforce, you know,

526

00:42:39,960 –> 00:42:40,960

those decisions.

527

00:42:40,960 –> 00:42:46,160

Of course, you know, as parents, we want to, we want to kind of gently guide.

528

00:42:46,160 –> 00:42:51,960

But I think that would be a great place to, to start in that situation.

529

00:42:51,960 –> 00:42:52,960

Okay.

530

00:42:52,960 –> 00:42:57,360

Well, I am so happy you mentioned that Michael Jordan story and I can’t wait to tell my kids

531

00:42:57,360 –> 00:43:03,400

because they are so sick of hearing that story and I’m going to tell them you mentioned it.

532

00:43:03,400 –> 00:43:06,920

So I can tell them that someone else talked about it.

533

00:43:06,920 –> 00:43:12,480

And also on our wall in our house, I have this Thomas Edison quote, the most certain

534

00:43:12,480 –> 00:43:16,680

way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

535

00:43:16,680 –> 00:43:18,680

Also my kids love that quote I have to say.

536

00:43:18,680 –> 00:43:21,800

Yeah, that’s a great, it’s a great quote.

537

00:43:21,800 –> 00:43:26,960

And I asked, I asked them all the time to the tangy rate in our stairwell.

538

00:43:26,960 –> 00:43:29,520

And I say, turn around, what does the quote say?

539

00:43:29,520 –> 00:43:33,480

Because you know, they look at it every day and I’m like, they just glaze by that, you

540

00:43:33,480 –> 00:43:36,080

know, all these things that we put in front of them.

541

00:43:36,080 –> 00:43:41,480

And someday later on in life, it finally clicks like, oh, that’s what that meant.

542

00:43:41,480 –> 00:43:44,000

Or though that’s what she was trying to say.

543

00:43:44,000 –> 00:43:49,200

But yeah, I love that quote and try to live by it for sure.

544

00:43:49,200 –> 00:43:50,200

All right.

545

00:43:50,200 –> 00:43:55,080

So our last question from the group I thought was really interesting.

546

00:43:55,080 –> 00:43:57,960

How can we as parents keep our own emotions in check?

547

00:43:57,960 –> 00:44:04,240

I think probably everyone out there has maybe let their emotions get the best of them during

548

00:44:04,240 –> 00:44:09,880

while watching their child’s sport or you know, you have these viral videos of parents

549

00:44:09,880 –> 00:44:11,440

out there.

550

00:44:11,440 –> 00:44:16,640

So what is your advice for parents to stay in line while at these games?

551

00:44:16,640 –> 00:44:19,800

Yeah, another great question.

552

00:44:19,800 –> 00:44:29,160

You know, with thoughts, with emotions, we often think, you know, thoughts and emotions

553

00:44:29,160 –> 00:44:36,160

are one in the same and being able to, you know, and they’re not.

554

00:44:36,160 –> 00:44:42,360

So we can have a thought and we can, you know, and it takes work, we can not react to it.

555

00:44:42,360 –> 00:44:46,440

We can separate from the emotion, which then creates that physical reaction.

556

00:44:46,440 –> 00:44:53,760

So always talk about this chain reaction of thought, emotion, physiological response.

557

00:44:53,760 –> 00:45:02,100

So we need to, between thought and emotion is space and we need to be able to utilize

558

00:45:02,100 –> 00:45:03,100

that space.

559

00:45:03,100 –> 00:45:09,640

And I just say, you know, just kind of bear witness to, we feel this sensation of getting

560

00:45:09,640 –> 00:45:19,840

frustrated, getting angry, you know, having, you know, these thoughts using that, you know,

561

00:45:19,840 –> 00:45:23,080

being able to take a pause.

562

00:45:23,080 –> 00:45:30,120

One of the most basic, but the one of the healthiest skills is being able to breathe.

563

00:45:30,120 –> 00:45:33,920

Now you mentioned box breathing earlier.

564

00:45:33,920 –> 00:45:35,640

Also my kids love box breathing.

565

00:45:35,640 –> 00:45:42,320

Yeah, it’s a great technique and I, you know, another technique that I use is parachute

566

00:45:42,320 –> 00:45:43,320

breathing.

567

00:45:43,320 –> 00:45:48,680

So, you know, it’s, you know, we think, so we got like our central nervous system, we

568

00:45:48,680 –> 00:45:53,840

got our parasympathetic nervous system, which is our relaxation, calm down and our sympathetic,

569

00:45:53,840 –> 00:45:56,000

which is the go, go, go.

570

00:45:56,000 –> 00:46:00,680

So parachute breathing engages the parasympathetic nervous system.

571

00:46:00,680 –> 00:46:07,720

So it’s just kind of breathing in for two seconds and exhaling double the amount of

572

00:46:07,720 –> 00:46:08,720

time.

573

00:46:08,720 –> 00:46:15,600

So for four seconds, three or four cycles or reps of that slows the mind down, slows

574

00:46:15,600 –> 00:46:17,600

the body down.

575

00:46:17,600 –> 00:46:22,480

It helps prevent us from directly going into an emotional reaction.

576

00:46:22,480 –> 00:46:30,600

So I think to control emotion, I think being able to separate our thoughts from the emotion

577

00:46:30,600 –> 00:46:36,160

and use that space between thought and emotion to, you know, have that pay attention to that

578

00:46:36,160 –> 00:46:37,640

conversation with ourselves.

579

00:46:37,640 –> 00:46:40,200

Do I need to react like this?

580

00:46:40,200 –> 00:46:41,200

Right.

581

00:46:41,200 –> 00:46:46,120

Do I need, you know, is this, you know, a question I always, you know, pose to the parents

582

00:46:46,120 –> 00:46:53,920

when they do parent workshops is, is my reaction going to be helpful or is my reaction more

583

00:46:53,920 –> 00:46:57,560

stemming from me?

584

00:46:57,560 –> 00:47:03,400

So being able to pause and question oneself and like I say, we kind of put ourselves on

585

00:47:03,400 –> 00:47:09,240

the witness stand, I think can help, help slow that down.

586

00:47:09,240 –> 00:47:17,400

And if emotions become, you know, start to flare up, just creating distance, you know,

587

00:47:17,400 –> 00:47:19,320

getting up, walking away.

588

00:47:19,320 –> 00:47:26,520

I was just at a training not too long ago and this, this was a recommendation from,

589

00:47:26,520 –> 00:47:34,000

one of the psychologists that I learned from in these situations is to get up and physically

590

00:47:34,000 –> 00:47:41,480

move, physically move, walk away, create distance because what movement does is it, movement

591

00:47:41,480 –> 00:47:47,680

starts to produce serotonin and dopamine and norepinephrine.

592

00:47:47,680 –> 00:47:50,220

So there are chemicals that help regulate our mood.

593

00:47:50,220 –> 00:47:56,760

So getting up, moving, creating distance, you know, getting the event sort of out of

594

00:47:56,760 –> 00:48:03,480

our sight, three, four, five minutes, and then being able to come back, that, that can

595

00:48:03,480 –> 00:48:06,440

help, that can really help too.

596

00:48:06,440 –> 00:48:12,080

In those, those circumstances where the parents emotions start to flare up.

597

00:48:12,080 –> 00:48:13,080

Okay.

598

00:48:13,080 –> 00:48:14,080

Wow.

599

00:48:14,080 –> 00:48:15,080

All right.

600

00:48:15,080 –> 00:48:18,560

Healthy Family Project listeners and Facebook group.

601

00:48:18,560 –> 00:48:23,640

I don’t want to see anyone on any viral videos because you have the information.

602

00:48:23,640 –> 00:48:27,720

Well, thank you so much for joining us today.

603

00:48:27,720 –> 00:48:29,080

This has been wonderful.

604

00:48:29,080 –> 00:48:32,360

It’s a very important topic, especially as we’re heading.

605

00:48:32,360 –> 00:48:38,080

I know people are gearing up for football season and all of the fall sports.

606

00:48:38,080 –> 00:48:42,360

I mean, sports are year round, so always a great topic.

607

00:48:42,360 –> 00:48:48,320

So before we close things out, can you tell listeners where they can find out more about

608

00:48:48,320 –> 00:48:49,920

you and connect with you?

609

00:48:49,920 –> 00:48:50,920

Sure.

610

00:48:50,920 –> 00:48:51,920

Absolutely.

611

00:48:51,920 –> 00:48:55,440

So I’m based in like suburban Philadelphia.

612

00:48:55,440 –> 00:49:01,680

My website is inneredge.com and there’s a hyphen between inner and edge.

613

00:49:01,680 –> 00:49:07,080

So it’s I N N E R hyphen E D G E dot com.

614

00:49:07,080 –> 00:49:11,920

You know, on there, you can find my email, contact information.

615

00:49:11,920 –> 00:49:18,100

If there’s any further questions anybody has about what we talked about today, please feel

616

00:49:18,100 –> 00:49:19,100

free to reach out.

617

00:49:19,100 –> 00:49:28,800

Just mention that our listener of this podcast and happy to respond, hop on a call and help

618

00:49:28,800 –> 00:49:30,060

out as best I can.

619

00:49:30,060 –> 00:49:33,280

So thanks for having me today.

620

00:49:33,280 –> 00:49:35,320

I really appreciate it.

621

00:49:35,320 –> 00:49:36,320

Thanks for joining us today.

622

00:49:36,320 –> 00:49:37,320

This has been great.

623

00:49:37,320 –> 00:49:38,880

Thank you.

624

00:49:38,880 –> 00:49:43,180

If you like the Healthy Family Project podcast, which I hope you do, please tell a friend

625

00:49:43,180 –> 00:49:44,180

and leave us a rating.

626

00:49:44,180 –> 00:49:48,740

It will only help our visibility so we can continue to create a healthier generation.

627

00:49:48,740 –> 00:49:52,360

If you want to chat with me direct, I’m in the Healthy Family Project Facebook group

628

00:49:52,360 –> 00:49:53,360

daily.

629

00:49:53,360 –> 00:49:56,920

Please join us there to submit your questions for episodes and share feedback.

630

00:49:56,920 –> 00:50:02,920

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631

00:50:02,920 –> 00:50:03,920

Be sure to subscribe.

632

00:50:03,920 –> 00:50:04,920

Talk soon.

633

00:50:04,920 –> 00:50:15,960

See you next time.